How many Cattle is a girl worth?

On our last village visit, I'm pretty sure there was an offer made of 1,500 head of cattle for me! And I'm almost certain that PH would have snatched it up if he had any claims over me, but he was worried there might me someone back home, who is both younger and stronger, who might not be too happy if he let that happen. But it sure made me appreciate the freedom to not only choose IF I will marry, but who. The freedom to choose is not the reality of most women in Africa.I have begun to take a special interest in trying to find out what it is to live as a woman in Africa.
I still know so very little about what it really means, and at times, I'm not sure I want to know any more because it makes my stomach knot to even think of having to live such a life. I seem to have a slight advantage to obtaining knowledge about the customs and culture surrounding dating/marrying among both the maasai and swahili because many of the teachers here are near the age of marrying and enjoy telling me about their culture; likewise they enjoy hearing about mine.
It's interesting! Even the language itself makes the American way of marriage difficult to explain in the Swahili language. For example, in Swahili, it can only be said that a man marries a woman, but a woman is married by a man. It does not make sense in this language to say that a woman marries a man. Here, a woman can not marry, she can only be married. I spent a half-hour trying to explain to a teacher what it means for two people to marry eachother; the idea that both people have to give consent and agree to the marriage. Furthermore, they are shocked that we can talk about boyfriends and girlfriends openly in our culture and that it is acceptable and even encouraged to bring them home to meet our parents. Here, dating is not an acceptable practice. It is becoming more common among the younger generations, especially among the Swahili people, but it must still be done in secret from the partents.
Among the Maasai, marriages are still arranged for the most part. The most frequent question I get asked is how much a man would have to pay my dad if he wanted to marry me. By pay, he really means how many cattle would he have to give him. However, a few weeks ago PH tried to sell me off to a teacher for a 'cup of fish and a pocket of coconut' to one of the teachers here (I'm hoping that he meant to say a bucket of fish and a bag of coconut and it just got lost in translation). It's sort of a running joke around here. The language also has a special word that can be used to generalize a group of women which means 'those mamas', but the same term is NOT allowed to be used with a group of men ever. Only women are allowed to be generalized. Also, the term used for a pregnant woman is literally translated to 'a woman who is becoming heavy'. I don't know too many pregnant women who would appreciate being referred to that way, but being told you're heavy isn't an insult here.

Last week when we went to the village, there was a young woman that approached me after the service and right behind her was a whole bunch of young girls. I could tell they were all quite shy, but that they were all very curious about my white skin and long hair. As she approached me she got very, very close, like within an inch of my face (no such thing as a personal bubble in Africa, that's for sure), and then put her hand on my arm and started to pet my arm, then wanted to feel my hair because it is so long. Soon all of the children wanted to touch it, so I knelt down so they could all feel it. As I let all of the children pet and observe me for about a half-hour, I began to ask this woman how old she was. We soon figured out that we were both 22. She then told me that the girl standing to the left of me was her first born and the girl to my right was her second born. I'm sure I looked a little shocked as I asked how old they were. She said 7 years, and 3 years 5 months. I know women have children young here, but to be standing with a girl the same age as me with her two daughters and one up to my chest, I just couldn't even imagine what it would be like to be responsible for that at the age of 15.
In the same village, we watched the women make tea over a fire with the typical 3 stones making a firepit just big enough to hold some firewood and balance a pot just above the fire. The women stand bent over the fire cooking and stirring for quite a while. PH kept joking that John must have sent me here to learn what a it means to be a wife because I'm not domesticated enough, and Luca kept joking that it would be better if I was one of two wives so that when I get sick there is someone else to do my work. I knew they were kidding, but it's the reality that so many of these women face for their entire lives. Being one of 6 wives; getting 1/6 of a persons love and affection, while he gets the affection of 6 wives all for himself; to have been circumcised as a young child and to be used for his satisfaction but never be allowed to know that kind of pleasure yourself; to work so hard all your life just to survive and protect your family.

You just have to look at their feet. They tell a story and you can see the kind of life they have lived. Their feet are so calloused and cracked and worn. You know that they have walked more miles barefoot on those feet than any of us would dare to imagine, while carrying a 5 gallon pale of water on their head and a child on their back and a knife in their hand and the sun beating down on them. It's just the way life is here. I often look at their way of life and wonder how they can be happy. But I have to remember that this is the life they know and as long as they have their family and water to drink and food in their stomaches, they are happy. It's true that the more we have, the more we expect because I know that I would go crazy trying to live that kind of life because I've experienced a different kind of life.
But I have found that there is hope for these women, and men too. I had the opportunity to stay the night in a village with the family of a young girl of 21. Her mother is one of 5 wives, her mother is the third. Of all of her father's children, she is the first to have the opportunity to attend secondary school. After completing the first 4 Forms (grades) and having only 2 more to go, she got pregnant, not by choice but by force. With the help and guidance of PH and some other mentors, she was able to return back to school while her mother cared for the child. She has now completed all the forms and is awaiting her test results and is optimistic about her chances to attend a university her in Tanzania. After talking to her about her goals, I gained a lot of hope. As an educated woman, the reality of her life has changed dramatically. She has gained the respect of her father and as a result, she will be allowed to choose her own husband and will not get married until after she has finished school. She also is so well informed about the struggles that her village and surrounding villages face and she is eager to stay in Tanzania and work to educate people so that they are better able to change their own reality. It was exciting and encouraging to be able to talk with a girl who brings hope to her country. I believe that educating the people of Tanzania and Africa, people like Sarah, so that they have the means by which to begin to change their own reality is the only long term solution to the issues in this country. We can try, as outsiders, to force our ways on them. But the truth is that they have to want the change, and the change has to come from within them. There is much more to talk about here, but I think I'll save it for another day. Good night!